I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
