Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
