Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
