$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
