i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
