No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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