Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Boobs speak an international language.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
