It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
