she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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