I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
