I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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