this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
