I'm eating all of the evidence.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
