Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
