remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
