yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
