how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
