Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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