Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
