I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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