If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
