I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
