Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
