Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
