And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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