I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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