So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
