forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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