My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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