She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
