it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
