I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
