Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
