I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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