This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
