So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm passing your future prison.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
