There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
