are you still at the devil's house?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
