i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
