I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
why is half of my head shaved?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
