...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
