I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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