I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm really busy with my period
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