Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
