There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
