just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I faked an abortion last night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Fuck appropriateness.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
