Where did you get a picture of my penis
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
