I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
