U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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