I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
