Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
