ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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