Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Duck Duck Cougar?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
