I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
