Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
