I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
that's an acceptable place to lick
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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