I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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