I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
