my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize