Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
