My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
