i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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