you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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