just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
