What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
