Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
