I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
