did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Randomize
