No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
